Recently, however, I feel as though I've lost that sharp mind. I was an all round good student, acing all my tests without revision. I could perfectly understand and explain anything given to me. Now it seems that dream has shriveled up and I've lost it.Įducation problems: So until recently, my reasoning ability was wonderful. Ever since I was little I thought that that was going to be something in my future.
I want to start again but I restrain myself and I get quite upset when I hear anything about sprinting. Of course, start running seems like a simple fix, however I'm now too anxious about it. Now I feel like if I kept running, I'd have been a lot happier. This was when I realized it was the only thing that brought me joy, I used to run about an hour every day 5 days a week, getting faster everyday, then it was suddenly cut out of my life. When I joined secondary school, I stopped sprinting. Whenever I ran, it always brought within me a jolt of adrenaline, I literally could not stop smiling, I tried to hide the smile but I couldn't. Running: I used to love running, more specifically sprinting. But I mostly stopped viewing humans as pure when I learned about sex, to be honest, and how sexual the world was. I despise what humanity has become, although I still admire humans. I matured too quickly, I was already acting like an adult at age 9, not taking part in any "age 9 activities." I now care less but it still hurts me inside. It hurts when you have no money in our capitalist world, where my generation seems to be ego-chasing by spending money on overpriced clothing. One of the main reasons was because of my quality of life, parts of my childhood, thoughts of death (people I know could die and leave the world), and also because I had no money.
Truthfully, I've had breakdowns since I was about 10. I always felt like nothing ever went my way, that I was the same as other people but that they got lucky with the situations they faced and I was just abused by my luck Sometimes I'm in a very weird state where I'm not confident but I just don't give a fuck about any restraints and I make it very awkward. I can come out as confident but also very dopey at the same time. I tend to portray an "I don't care" to anyone who meets me. These were constant jolts I had all the time. Sometimes I'd think of myself as the best man in the world. I used to call myself ugly but also laugh at it thinking it was a stupid thought. At times, I feel like I'm a failure to all who've known me. I also don't know what to say of my self-esteem either. They seem to be able to make decisions straight and stick firmly to them. I don't see how others can be so sure and dedicated. I always prided myself as having potential but everything has changed recently. I feel as though in the world there are infite options and I just simply can't choose, I feel as though I'm just gradually running into a brick wall.
#Losing my mind free
I feel like my free will is enclosing, trapping me. So here's a little about me: I'm very indecisive. I'm writing this to clear my mind at last, as a last resort.
#Losing my mind how to
I don't know how to structure this very well due to the state of my mind as I write this so please bare with me.
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